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What I Know About My Parents Now That I Am One

June 7, 2015 / Family / 0 comment

Our parents are the lynch pins of our lives in many ways. They’re the force that gave us life, cared and provided for us, and taught us about the world. I’ve always looked up to my own parents with love and admiration but once I had a child of my own, I began to see them in a whole new light.

They were sleep deprived
My mother always tells me about my brother’s refusal to go to sleep at night. My dad would have to get the car out and drive in circles around the block to get my brother to go to sleep in the car seat and then transfer him into his bed. Even though I obviously knew that my parents raised us from babies, the details of our babyhood were never really talked about that much until I had a child of my own—and now the funny stories won’t stop coming!

They did their best
I thought my parents were experts in parenting when I was a kid. So, of course, any mistakes they made were a horrible let down because of my expectation of perfection. I was a pretty horrid teenager in retrospect. I judged my parents, criticizing what I saw as their failings and, basically, was an ungrateful brat. I always saw the ways they failed (like if they said the wrong thing, or gave me the wrong gift) instead of where they succeeded. What I see now is parents who loved their kids a huge amount and tried their very hardest to make them happy—parents who were just regular people, muddling their way through this parenting business, who made mistakes and got things wrong, too. They did a pretty darn good job.

They put us first
My mom was a public school teacher. She left her job after my brother was born and didn’t work again until I started preschool at age 5. She was out of the work force for eight years, and didn’t have child care if she ever needed a break from us kids. Her career probably took a big hit but her focus was always on what was best for us. Now I’m facing my own dilemma finding a balance between raising my child and working, I feel the enormity of the personal sacrifice my mother made to stay home with us.

They sacrificed a lot
I remember my weekends as a kid as a blur of dance classes and birthday parties. My parents remember their weekends of my childhood as a blur of driving me and my brother all over the city, and waiting for us to finish whatever it was we were doing so they could drive us back home again. I actually cringe when I think of how I took this for granted. I never once thought that maybe they wanted to do something on a Saturday except chauffeur me around. Now that I drive my daughter around I get it—I don’t want thanks because I enjoy her enjoyment but I do now tell my parents how grateful I am for their time.

They showed us the world
One of the absolute best memories from my childhood is a wonderful eight week trip we took to Hong Kong, London, Europe and Egypt. I constantly pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. This trip (back in the late ‘80s) must have cost my parents a fortune and they had obviously saved up for a very long time. It was the one big family trip we did all together. While I’m sure they enjoyed the trip immensely, I’m also sure they had no way of knowing the effect it would have on my and my brother’s lives. This wonderful experience opened my eyes to a world outside of my little suburbia. It gave me the wanderlust bug that hasn’t stopped moving my heart and feet all around the world. We were a family who were big on experiences rather than material things and it’s a lesson I am trying to replicate now for my daughter.

They loved me hard
And still do! My whole childhood I felt loved, but it wasn’t until I had a child of my own that I really saw, for the first time, everything my parents did for me through the eyes of an adult. I finally felt the magnitude of their love for me—and it was humbling.

This article first appeared on MommyNearest.

Fear Of Missing Milestones

May 8, 2015 / Family, Kids / 10 Comments

Before my daughter was born I bought a pregnancy and baby book to fill in. And then found a bigger, better baby book, and then another that was birth to five years. Suddenly I had five different baby books, all staring at my from their spot on the shelf, judging me for forgetting to fill in their empty pages. Did I remember to write down the day of baby’s first smile? Her first tooth? The first time she had a bath, rolled over, sat up and danced a jig?

My half-assed attempt to record everything fell by the wayside when exhaustion reared its formidable head – which it did often. I could barely remember what day it was, let alone to write notes down in the baby books. And then, my fear of missing milestones (hence to be known as FOMM) kicked in, and anxiety forced me to try and write down and photograph every tiny detail in my young daughter’s life.

Turns out FOMM is a powerful motivator. Tormented by Pinterest and its lure of onesies with months counted off on them, I still persisted in my attempts to be the mum who does it all. I constantly questioned though, did I have a good enough plan to adequately document every single important moment of my child’s life? Apparently not, as, with my now three-year-old, I see blog posts and tutorials on hand prints taken every month from birth, and realise I’ve missed the boat. I don’t have any hand prints of my baby thus far. I didn’t video any of her birthday parties. I haven’t put together any scrapbooks or albums to celebrate her life thus far. Definitely no shadow boxes on the wall with outgrown baby shoes and locks of hair. In my role as keeper of her childhood memories, have I failed at my job already? Oh, FOMM, there you are, kicking me when I’m already down.

Then reality sinks in. This new phenomena of the need to make every single moment of your child’s life documentable and beautiful is a new one. The arranging of bedding and props for the perfect Instagramable moment, the casting of tiny hands and feet in bronze for the wall. There are no hand and foot prints on display in my parents’ home, no locks of hair, no family art projects on the walls. And do I wish there were? Honestly, no, I don’t. The truth is I’m far to concerned with looking forwards to dwell in my own past. So if we’re not documenting and photographing for the benefits of our kids, who are we going to this immense effort for?

The rise of social media platforms like Pinterest and blogs have created a new “keeping up with the Joneses”, but in this case, the “Jones family” is a crafty mum with too much time on their hands and loves posting pictures of her clever bento box lunch art. We share and comment on these images, blog posts and pins, marvel at the complexity and the cleverness, but deep down, feel our own lack of creativity and commitment to making our children’s memories magical.

Are we raising our children in a pastel pink shiny world where it’s normal to have parties that are “Pinterest-worthy” and have books and albums videos documenting every single breath they took? And would they want us to? Is FOMM stopping us from letting our kids enjoy just being kids, and keeping us, as parents, at a distance in order to capture these moments?

Are we doing our children favours by implying to them that they are so important that we dedicated ourselves to this documentation, this making of sandwiches in the shape of Hello Kitty to entice them to eat (at the same tie as broadcasting to the world what devoted and clever clogs we are)? I think not.
And yet. I am trapped in the cycle myself. Writing down cute things she says. Photographing every day. Pinning ideas for her next birthday party. Watching from the outside instead of playing, laughing and participating. Maybe tomorrow is a good day to start anew and make memories instead of just documenting them.

Linking up with Bron.

5 Ways That Having a Sibling Bonds You

May 1, 2015 / Family / 15 Comments

Everyone has a story about their siblings. Usually it revolves around a time when they were feeling a bit homicidal and trying to kill or maim you. Despite near death experiences, you know your sibling really has your back like no one else does, and that no matter how much they tortured you as a child, that you will be in each other’s lives forever. Growing up together has a way of bonding you to another person in that no one else can ever break.

You did stupid stuff together
One of you was the mastermind behind ideas such as “Let’s string up a flying fox over the swimming pool”, and “Let’s ride around the house on our skateboards – on our knees!”, which resulted in broken teeth and limbs. But you all survived, and these stories have gone down in family legend, getting dragged out and retold every Christmas lunch after a few glasses of wine. These stories will be passed down to your children when they’re older, and they’ll be in awe of how wild you and your siblings were.

You tortured each other
Is there a family out there with kids who didn’t torture each other? My brother, for example, once dragged me around the living room floor by my foot, because I sat on “his” lounge chair. Yes. Siblings are the people in our lives on whom we take our feelings out on (often bad ones like this), in a way that there is no way they’d treat anyone else. You see your sibling’s raw emotions; uncivilized and unfiltered. Sure it’s not fun to be on the receiving end of it, but it also means that you’ve seen a side of this person that no one in their entire lives is likely to ever see but you.

You know each other’s secrets
Sharing a house with someone means, like it or not, they know things about you that you probably prefer that they didn’t. Your moustache that you bleech. His embarrassing tween crush. Her night braces that made her look like a robot. You’re vulnerable with each other in a way that you will never be with another person.

You were awkward together
The tweens and teen years are awful. You and your siblings dealt with it together, and emerged as normal looking people on the other side. They’ve seen you at your dorkiest and still love you.

You were parented together
Having a sibling gives you an ally against your parents. It’s a lot harder for them to say no when there are two or more of you ganging up against them wanting to go out for ice cream. Your ally in childhood is also going to be your go-to person when you’re an adult. You can laugh over some of your parents’ “interesting” forms of parenting (“You let me ride a pony in a paddock with dogs running underfoot, and the neighbours on BMX bikes zooming past – really?!”) and share amazement that you’re still alive to tell the story.

You’ve always got each other
It’s awful to think about, but later in life, when your parents aren’t around anymore, your siblings are going to be the last links to the family you were born into. They’re going to be the keepers of your childhood memories, the ones who drop over just to do nothing together, the people who will love you to the end, no matter what. Fights are forgotten, all is forgiven, as family is always the most important thing.

This article first appeared on MommyNearest.com.

Linking up with Sonia.

30 Reasons We Love Nap Time

April 7, 2015 / Family, Kids / 0 comment

Naps are the BEST. Seriously, there is nothing better than a happily napping child. Who knew that you could accomplish so much in such a short period? The benefits of naps are almost endless. My favourites include:

You can check your email.
You can update your Facebook.
You can make breakfast/lunch/dinner.
You can catch up on The Bachelor.
You can take a nap too.
You can make that urgent phone call you’ve needed to make all morning.
You can do 30 mins of home yoga.
You can read a book.
You can vacuum or clean up the house.
You can fold that giant pile of laundry.
You can write a blog post (like this one!).
You can download the photos from your phone and back them up.
You can give yourself a mani/pedi.
You can bake cookies for afternoon tea.
You can clean out your wardrobe.
You can drink your coffee while it’s hot.
You can take a long shower.
You can use the bathroom uninterrupted.
You can Skype a friend.
You can do your hair and make up.
You can shop online.
You can eat a cupcake without sharing it.
You can share a photo of them asleep on Instagram.
You can play Candy Crush on your phone.
You can unpack the dishwasher.
You can meditate.
You can clean all the crap you don’t need out of your handbag.
You can sit down and do absolutely nothing.

And the two very best things about naps:

Your child wakes up happy and smiley.
The rest of the day is a breeze.

This article was first published on MommyNearest.

Easter Sunday + Easter Egg Hunt 2015

April 5, 2015 / Cheese, Family, Kids / 10 Comments

Ahhh it’s Easter Sunday, one of the best days of the year. I managed to turn it into a week-long chocolate fest this year by eating a chocolate bunny a day. There is something about Easter chocolate – it just tastes BETTER than regular chocolate, even if it’s a plain milk chocolate bunny by Cadbury.

This year was our first back in Australia with Cheese, and I wanted to make it a lot of fun. After opening her Easter basket in her jammies in the morning, she then dressed in her Elsa costume to enjoy her chocolate spoils before we head out to our friends’ house to enjoy Easter brunch and an Easter egg hunt.

At my friends’ house, the girls decorated cupcakes with chocolate shavings and mini chocolate birds’ eggs. They made the cutest little nests.

We indulged in a”brown feast” of hot cross buns, pancakes and French toast (don’t worry, there was some fruit in there too), before it was time to release the girls on the Easter egg hunt. We used a mix of tiny and small chocolate eggs, plus plastic ones filled with fluffy toy chicks, tiny chocolate eggs and some Easter gummy lollies.

The kids all crashed out and opened their spoils. The plastic eggs were a great hit – they gave an extra fun element to the hunt, as opening them afterwards prolonged the anticipation.

It was a day for family, not just friends. My parents joined us, as did my friend’s. We’ve been close friends since we were 12, so we’re all basically family at this stage.

With my girlfriend who hosted us – I can’t believe we’ve been friends for over 20 years.

With the sugar high still going strong, the girls bounced it out on the trampoline. Haven’t things changed since we were kids? I remember placing a trampoline next to a swimming pool and using it to springboard into the deep end.

It’s always hard to head home after such a wonderful day with loved ones.

Last Easter gifts for the day from Nana and Pop, and a big hug, and then it was all over for another year.

Happy Easter!

Do you celebrate Easter? if so, how did you spend the holiday?

30 Ways To Show Your Child You Love Them

April 1, 2015 / Family, Kids / 22 Comments

Some days it seems like you’re just holding everything together. Rushing to get the kids to school on time, rushing to get to work. Rushing home and hurriedly cooking dinner, then rushing through the bath and bed routine. That’s just the way life goes sometimes. If you’re time poor like most of us are, and want to show your child how much you love them, here are 30 little ways that can be incorporated into your day with almost zero effort.

Give your child kisses when they wake up.
Read an extra book before bedtime.
If you get home at night too late for books, read a book at breakfast instead.
If your child can read, put a note in their lunch box, that says, “Have fun today! Love you!”
Give big hugs and kisses before you leave.
Ask what their favourite part of the day was.
Ask what the hardest part of the day was, too.
When your child is desperate for your attention, drop what you’re doing and give it to them.
Look them in the eyes.
Stay in their room just a few minutes longer than usual at bedtime.
Notice something they’ve done right: “Thank you for putting your toys away, I really appreciate it.”
Cook together – let your child help you make dinner if you’re not the baking kind.
No matter how bad your day was, or how annoyed you are at your child, never go to bed angry, or let your child go to bed feeling that you’re angry with them.
Compliment your child on something they do: “I really love listening to you sing. You sing so beautifully”.
Try to get ready ahead of your schedule so you can cut out the “hurry ups” and let the child take their own time walking down the street, getting in the car, picking a few flowers along the way.
Really listen to what your child is saying, without interrupting.
Make your child feel like their opinion matters by asking what they think.
Proudly display their artwork at home.
Don’t talk about them, especially their flaws, in front of them.
After you have an argument, give them a big hug and tell them it’s ok.
Follow through on any promises you make.
Play with your child, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Say “yes” instead of no.
Give your child your full attention when you’re together.
Think of a fun activity to do together on the weekend, even if it’s something as simple as going to a new playground together.
Smile at your child.
Be the last to let go of hugs.
Ask to hold their hand.
Try to see their point of view.
Tell them you love them. Every single day.

This article was first published on MommyNearest.

Image by Raquel Frechette.

Linking up with Grace.

10 Unrealistic Expectations I Had About Being A Parent

December 8, 2014 / Family, Kids / 16 Comments

Before my baby was born I had spent minimal time around other people’s kids. I tended to see their sweet, sleeping babies at picnics, and happily held their infants while they were smiling or snoozing, then handed them back if they started fussing.

It’s no surprise then that when I had my own baby I was in for a rude awakening of what life as a parent was really like. Here are a few of the unrealistic expectations I had about parenting—and the truth about life as it actually ended up.

1. Baby would sleep through the night after a few weeks

I actually thought that after a few initial weeks—maybe up to three months max—my baby would just go to sleep on her own and sleep through the night. Baby has now turned three and is still waking up during the night several times a week. Ouch.

2. Sleep training would magically work forever

I attempted to sleep train my infant at 10 months when my husband and I were at breaking point. While we were initially successful, a few months later she was back to her old evening habits. It turns out that infants, toddlers and preschoolers wake up for a variety of reasons, even if you sleep train them. Our nights are now awoken by bad dreams, wanting milk and just a few “no reasons” for good measure.

3. I’d fit back in my old jeans a few weeks later

I’m pretty sure I remember a friend saying they walked out of the hospital in their pre-pregnancy jeans. I’ve clearly not spoken to them since as my own experience was very different. Despite eating carefully and exercising continually during pregnancy, I was still carrying a lot of extra weight when I left the hospital, and continued to carry this extra weight for the entire following year.

4. Breastfeeding would melt away the pounds

While breastfeeding did indeed burn extra calories, I was also consuming extra calories to keep up the milk supply. While some moms looked super skinny after only a few weeks post birth, I continued to look chubby even while I was breastfeeding around the clock. Those daily bagels with cream cheese did not help, no matter how tasty they were, and it was only a change to a healthier diet removed the extra baby weight.

5. I’d get back into my old exercise routine

I had big dreams that after the first six months or so, I would get back into the sports I loved to play pre-baby with a vengeance. I had neglected to realize how exhausted I’d be from being up all night with the baby, and from entire days spent strolling, rocking, swaying and soothing. Even now, with my baby as a pre schooler, I’m still so tired at the end of a day of chasing her around, begging her to go potty and teaching her playground etiquette/road safety rules/table manners that I am desperate to just sit on my ass on the couch and eat ice cream by my self. I am starting to get back into yoga again and we are exercising as a family with bike riding on weekends, so I’m hopeful that I will be fit again with a new routine.

6. Parenting would get easier

Even though hateful people would smugly say to me in the street, when I was frantically rocking my screaming infant, “Oh, it only gets harder!” (um, thank you?), I was still hopeful that once I passed the crazy newborn stage things would get easier. I have to say, that having such a difficult baby who suffered from reflux made our baby stage a lot harder than it should have been, so while things did get a bit easier once the reflux was outgrown, a whole heap of new challenges popped up to keep us on our toes. Tantrums. Defiance. Fussy eating. Toilet training.

7. I’d be fine going straight back to work

I honestly thought I would take maternity leave and then happily leave my baby in daycare and return to my old career path, with not a care in the world. Instead, I couldn’t bare the thought of leaving her in full-time care, so I’ve been working freelance where possible, and feeling guilty (there it is, the mom guilt!) for any time I spend away from her and she’s in daycare.

8. I’d know what to do with a baby

All the parents I knew pre-baby looked so confident, toting around their babies, bringing them to weddings in their car seats where they slept through the reception, that I was sure it would be a breeze. And yet, when we were leaving the hospital, it dawned on me that I had no idea what to do with this baby. How could these medical professionals let me take home such a fragile creature, without making sure I was going to be a capable parent? How would I know what to do when she cried? How hot should her bath be? Should I use special wipes with no chemicals in them?

9. Potty training would take five days

There’s been so much hoopla about the five-day (and even three-day!) potty training method that I actually thought it would only take me five days. Try six months on-and-off and still going. With poo phobia, not wanting to stop playing to go to the bathroom and a stubborn temperament, it’s taking a whole lot longer than I could have possibly anticipated.

10. Our bond would be instant

When I was handed my baby in the hospital, I was so traumatized by the birth that I felt emotionally numb. I expected a flooding of love and happiness, but instead felt nothing but pain and exhaustion. What I didn’t know was that not all bonds between Mum and baby are formed instantly, and that it’s normal if they start slow and get stronger over time. While in the beginning I worried that I didn’t feel enough affection for my baby, over time I realised that my heart had been slowly and constantly filling with little bits of love, until one day I discovered that it was so completely full with love for my child that it felt like it was about to explode.

What unrealistic expectations did you have about what parenthood would be like?

This article first appeared on Mommynearest.com

Cheese Turns Three: Frozen Party Extravaganza

August 25, 2014 / Cheese, Family, friends, Kids / 6 Comments

For Cheese’s third birthday party, only Frozen would do. She loves the movie and songs, so I decided to throw her a Frozen at my parents’ house. They have a big property with lots of yard space, perfect for lots of little kiddies to enjoy running around. First step: acquiring an Elsa dress from the Disney store. This was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. I dropped by the Disney store in Times Square one day after hearing rumors that they had them in stock, and they did actually have them. Easy! I bought the dress and Queen Elsa crown both from the Disney store and saved them for her party to avoid damage. Next step was stocking up on Frozen party supplies. I bought all of mine from Partycity.com, including the plates, cups, snowy background backdrop that doubled as Arendale for the photobooth, the cardboard Anna and Elsa and an Anna and Elsa balloon, and co-ordinated cutlery, wands, tables cloths and crafting activities for the kids. The goodie bags also came from Party City – reusable cups, stickers, bubbles and clear party bags to wrap them all up in. I ordered cookies to look like Anna, Elsa, snowflakes and Olafs to add into the bags as well as put on the dessert table, from Cookie Queen Kitsch’n, a local cookie baker in Sydney. I own zero party goods, so borrowed lots from friends, like the cake stands, water cooler, kids’ trestle tables, kids’ chairs and jumping castle. Thank you girls, I really appreciate your generosity! I was worried about having lots of kids with nothing to do, so I put together craft tables. One with crayons, Frozen-themed colouring in pages that I bought from Etsy, Frozen stickers from Partycity.com and the wands. The other table had craft packs from Partycity.com that were suitable for toddlers and up – an easy project involving sticking together a foam photo frame with snowflakes and snowmen. The frame was a hit with all the kids, even the oldest guest, who was eight. For the centerpiece table, I strung up pompoms and snowflakes from partycity.com, and created a fun table for both kids and adults to enjoy. Water bottles with “melted snowman” labels from Etsy, more of the cookies from Cookie Queen Kitsch’n, Sven reindeer and snowball cake pops (homemade), jelly cups with blueberries, raspberries and fondant snowflakes on top (homemade), Zumbo macarons with homemade fondant snowflakes on top, homemade cheese, vegemite and peanut butter sandwiches cut into stars, flowers and hearts, and popcorn in boxes (boxes bought on Partycity.com with stickers added to the side). The cake was made by Sydney-based Cakes by Rosalie. The top tier was cookies and cream, and the base caramel. Delicious! In the centre of the area we had a table with fruit and savoury food, making sure we had plenty for adults to enjoy. Olaf danced over the table to keep it in theme. To entertain 20 kids of various ages, we borrowed a jumping castle. Best idea ever. The kids had so much fun flitting between the castle, yard toys, craft tables and food that we didn’t need to do any organised games, referee any fights, or soothe any meltdowns. Our Cheesy Elsa had a wonderful party. She was so happy to see her friends and spent most of her party on the jumping castle. Happy birthday darling girl! We’re so happy you enjoyed your birthday and party. Love you to the moon and back.

9 Baby “Lasts” I’ll Miss (And Also Celebrate)

August 24, 2014 / Family, Kids / 0 comment

So much of having a baby is about their firsts. First smile, first laugh, first crawl and first step. What we often forget is that with each “first” comes a “last.” The last time your baby will crawl, the last time they will sleep in their crib, the last time they breastfeed. These lasts are usually unexpected and often not even noticed until they’re long gone. Then, you might mourn these little moments that made your baby a baby. These are the lasts I’ll miss the most:

1. Last night in the crib

Just before age two, my kid catapulted herself out of her crib and sprained her wrist. I had been planning on keeping her in her crib until college (or at least three!) because I knew what would lie ahead—night after night of returning her to her bed and lying next to her until she fell asleep. Easy bedtime and quiet nights to ourselves were truly over.

2. Last time crawling

The turbo-charged crawler starts to pull themselves up, and suddenly you need to take childproofing to the next level in your house. The coffee table, shelves and drawers are all fair game. Soon, say goodbye to storing your breakables on table tops and bureaus, not to mention being able to cook on the stove top without worrying someone will be pulling at the pots and pans. There’s also something insanely cute about a crawling baby with their butt up in the air that I’ll miss seeing zoom around the floor.

3. Last time in the high chair

Our kid is truly done with the high chair—even if I’d prefer she wasn’t! It was so much easier having a kid contained with the tray around her to prevent a mess all over the house. Yes, it’s now easier in terms of seating at restaurants, but our house is a disaster of crumbs and fallen pieces of fruit, bread, cheese and unidentifiable half-masticated objects.

4. Last “mama”

Somehow over the past few weeks “mama” has turned into “mom,” often said like this: “Moooooooom” (and with rolled eyes). And she’s not quite three.

5. Last garbled words

She’s been calling strawberries “bubbies” for about a year, and we now call them the same name. Yesterday, she said “strawberry” for the first time and I almost cried. Does this mean I can’t call them “bubbies” anymore, too?

6. Last time changing a diaper

I won’t lie—I’ve been looking forward to this day for years! Not only is it great not to waste so much money every month on diapers, it’s also a big step for our little one in feeling like she’s finally a big girl.

7. Last time in onesies

Of all the baby outfits out there, onesies were my favorite. They go on and off super easy, have snaps to make diaper changes simple and cover the back to keep it warm, I was devastated when my girl outgrew them. Not only did I have to worry about finding bloomers for under her dresses and skirts (and keeping her back warm in cooler weather), but it was a big sign that my baby was no longer a baby.

8. Last mushing-up of food

There’s nothing fun about making multiple meals for every member in the house every day. Now that our kid eats basically the same food as us, it’s cut down my daily personal chef time by 50%. Hooray for a bit of time back!

9. Last nap

As she grew, my little one’s naps slowly dropped from all day, to three, to two and then one. And now…none. I miss naps like nothing else! Those precious quiet hours during the middle of the day have been replaced with entertaining a toddler who wants to keep on playing while you’d prefer to be eating lunch, watching Netflix or doing laundry.

This article first appeared on MommyNearest.com

The Ways Having A Baby Has Changed My Marriage (For Better and Worse)

August 20, 2014 / Family, Kids / 0 comment

Ways My Marriage Changed Post-Baby via akissgoodnight.co

I naively thought that having a baby would be super romantic. That we would catch each other’s eyes over our blissfully sleeping baby’s head and smile lovingly at each other. I thought having a baby would bring my husband and I even closer together, but the reality is so much more complicated than I had imagined it would be. Having a baby certainly changed our marriage, in ways that are both good and bad.

1. We want to spend any free time alone

At the end of the day, pre-baby, I used to look forward to eating dinner together, snuggling on the couch, and curling up to watch a movie. After spending all day and often all night with our baby however, all each of us wants is time to ourselves. My husband loves playing computer games to shoot his stress out, and I love eating chocolate and watching The Bachelor (no judgement, please!).

2. Every parent for themselves

Especially in that first year with our difficult baby, my husband and I were both so exhausted and sleep deprived that we just didn’t care how the other person felt. We were doing everything we could individually to survive, often at the detriment of the other person. “Sure, you are tired, but hey, I’m MORE tired” is how we were feeling. It become a competition as to who was the most tired, the most frustrated, the most in need of a break. Thankfully as our child got older, we started to work together as a team.

3.Emotions are heightened

Pre-baby, it’s much easier to deal with annoyances from your partner. He doesn’t take the garbage out, not a big deal. Your tolerance level for things is generally a lot higher, so there’s less arguing and bickering. Take away your sleep and time to yourself, and suddenly the smallest, most inconsequential things can make you snap. Stupid things cause epic fights, like “you ate the last of the chocolate!”

Ways My Marriage Changed Post-Baby via akissgoodnight.co

4. Time together is scarce

I kind of figured that once Baby came along we would have less time together, but it just didn’t dawn on me until she actually arrived and we brought her home that we would never be able to go out alone again unless we planned in advance and organised it with babysitters. Good bye spontaneity, and also basically the end of dinners out alone. When factoring in the cost of a babysitter to a meal, it suddenly became so expensive to go out for dinner that we would only splurge for birthdays and anniversaries.

5. Your conversations change

Pre-baby, you might have discussed intellectual things like climate change and politics over dinner. Post baby, our conversations are all about poop. Even three years on, it’s still all about poop.

6. He looks at you in an entirely different way

After having a baby, you reach a new level of intimacy with your partner. They’ve seen things they might wish they hadn’t, but have also seen you exposed, vulnerable, and powerful as you give birth to their child. Your relationship can’t ever be the same again as they’ve witnessed your literal transformation into becoming a mother.

Ways My Marriage Changed Post-Baby via akissgoodnight.co

7. You’re tied together forever

Sure, beforehand you said vows to be together forever, but having a baby solidifies that you really will be in each others’ lives forever, no matter what. It’s an added incentive to make your marriage work, and an achievement you’ve accomplished together. Creating a person! The baptism of fire that is childbirth and then raising a child! With this new parenting gig, you really are in this together forever.

8. Priorities change

If I’m really honest, my priorities before baby came along were still pretty focussed on myself. My husband was my priority because being with him made me happy – meaning I was still my own main priority. Having a baby threw both of our priorities out the window. Our child is now our first priority – both of our first priority, which really strengthens our marriage and feeling of being a team.

9. The love you have for each other changes

We might not go out on dates much anymore, or do many “romantic” things (right now, my husband watching the child so I can go to a yoga class is so romantic), but our love for each other is actually stronger than ever before. It’s just different. That giddy feeling has been replaced by a deep respect. I look at my husband and I am blown away by what an amazing father he is. I’m in awe of the love he shows our daughter, the patience and kindness, even when she’s being incredibly difficult. I had no idea before we had a baby that I could love a man even more after seeing how he loved someone else.

Photos by Vincent Lai, Saving Grace Photography, Bridget Eldridge Photography.
This article first appeared on Mommynearest.com