We’ve all been there—some of us are there right now. You’re tired and on the verge of collapsing. Everything is a little fuzzy. You probably already know that you’re a sleep deprived parent. But just in case you aren’t 100% sure, here are some of the ways you can tell you need a good night’s sleep.
1. You put the milk in the cupboard.
2. You put a teabag in a cup to steep and discover it the next day.
3. You don’t know what day of the week it is.
4. You go to the kitchen to get something out of a drawer and by the time you get there you’ve forgotten what you needed.
5. Your kid is running around with no undies on because you forgot to give them a fresh pair after their last accident.
6. When you roll out of bed, heaven help anyone who tries to talk to you before you get your first hit of caffeine.
7. You made coffee with cold water because you forgot to boil the kettle.
8. You find yourself napping at work.
9. You mistake your hairspray for deodorant.
10. You wash your hair with body wash.
11. You keep signing forms with your maiden name even though you changed it when you got married more than two years ago.
12. You try to put the bread away but end up putting paper bags into plastic bags and forget the bread entirely.
13. You’re calling the children by the pet’s name and vice versa.
14. You make your child a cheese sandwich, put it in the fridge and give your child a giant block of cheese instead.
15. You walked away from the ATM without taking your money.
16. You stop at the green lights while driving.
17. You look everywhere for your sunglasses that are perched on your head.
18. You find cartons of milk in the freezer from who knows how long ago.
19. You pour mouthwash into your contact lens case instead of saline.
20. You find your watch in the crisper.
21. You give the kids “top and tail” wipe downs at night to avoid bath time drama.
22. Your phone is always missing, usually turning up in the fridge.
23. You try to plug the phone charger into the baby instead of the phone.
24. You put cat food into your salad instead of tuna.
25. You find yourself spitting toothpaste straight onto the floor instead of the sink while brushing your teeth.
26. You make your kids dinner earlier so that you can trick them to go to bed earlier.
27. You make forts in the living room so the kids can play by themselves and you can lay on the cushions and still supervise with one eye open.
28. If you have a newborn in particular, you haven’t washed or changed your clothes (except undies) for over a week.
29. You put Desitin on your toothbrush instead of toothpaste.
30. You find your umbrella in the fridge.
31. While holding your baby, you ask your spouse where the baby is.
32. You wash your hands with moisturizer.
33. You lose your keys, cups, debit card and find them all in the trash. At least you know where to look when you “lose” things!
34. You have trouble making a cup of tea—you make it with no water, or make a cup then put in the fridge (leaving the milk on the counter) or you make a cup of tea minus the tea.
35. You roll on insect repellent instead of deodorant.
36. During the night, you roll over in bed to pat and shush your husband.
37. You walked out of the house all “done up” with make up, nice hair and a nice dress, but wearing fluffy pink Ugg boots.
38. You give the baby a scoop of cereal and a scoop of coffee for breakfast.
39. You wear your T-shirts inside out.
40. You sign an email with “xxxxx” to your boss.
41. You pour milk into the coffee machine tank.
42. You fall asleep standing up while rocking the baby to sleep.
43. You try to answer the phone with the TV remote.
44. You sleep in the same clothes you wore during the day and just stay in them them next day because hey, you’re already dressed, right?
45. You ask a question and forget the answer the moment it was given and have to repeat the question.
46. You want to call your friends at 6am. You’ve been up since 4am with the baby after all, so 6am seems like a decent time to call.
47. You lie down to “play” with the baby but you’re secretly having a two-second power nap before getting hit with a toy.
48. You put your newborn’s diaper on the toddler.
49. You catch the train home from work and then remember that you drove to work that day.
50. You turn up to your child’s “meet the teacher” appointment…a week early.
51. You put cayenne pepper on your cereal instead of cinnamon.
52. You try to open your front door using the car keys.
53. You wash your face twice because you can’t remember if you washed it the first time.
54. You put your undies on inside out or backwards.
55. You answer your phone when the baby’s toy one rings in the stroller.
56. You find a pair of undies in your hair that you mistook for a scrunchie.
57. Strangers stop you in the street to tell you your dress is on backwards/tucked into your underpants.
58. You’ve left the house in very wrong shoes.
59. You cracked an egg into the garbage bin and put the shell in the pan.
60. You’ve poured your smoothie/coffee/wine into a sippy cup.
61. You step into the shower in your pajamas.
62. You rock the cart at the supermarket when you’re there without your baby. And sometimes, it’s not even your own cart, but a stranger’s cart that you’ve accidentally walked off with.
63. You put salt in your coffee instead of sugar.
64. You microwave your iPhone instead of a heat pack.
65. You book your child into classes in the wrong borough.
66. You catch the train to work on a Saturday.
67. You roll insect repellant onto your face instead of sunscreen.
68. You forget your ATM pin number that you’ve had for 20 years.
69. You tell strangers your baby’s name is Justin when they ask (when in fact, it’s actually Jonathan).
70. You try to fold the stroller down with the baby still inside it.
This article was first published on MommyNearest.
Christine is the editor of Adventure, Baby!