Adventure, baby!

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January Blues

Gratuitous Cheese shot.

I won’t lie, January was hard. Bitterly cold, jet lagged baby, sick family over and over again, plus a case of the blues that just wouldn’t budge. I’ve been struggling to find room for myself again now that Eloise is getting older and doesn’t need me quite so much. I’ve been feeling time slipping by me in all directions. In Eloise’s little face as it slims and grows, in my friends’ careers as they get promoted and start their own businesses. I’ve been feeling torn in a way I never thought possible between choosing myself or choosing to spend my time with Eloise.

It’s a fine line to walk. I love hearing every word for the first time, seeing every new trick she throws out daily. I also feel like I’ve been living my life entirely for someone else, and that I’ve completely lost myself.

So what’s the answer? I’m trying hard to get some freelance and part-time work going that I can do with some short babysitting stints for Eloise, and during her naps. So far it’s going well, but it’s also hard! Hard to focus, hard to spend all my free time working rather than resting up for the next tornado Eloise. It’s better than the alternative though, and I still get to spend most of the week with my crazy, wilful, adorable toddler.

Remembering to be thankful

A lot of the time I focus on how hard everything feels. Moving country. Pregnancy. A crazy newborn! It’s  too easy to fall into the trap of feeling like everything is just way. too. hard, and that I just. can’t. cope.

Then I have a day where my eyes become clear and I realise how lucky I am. Many years ago, I dreamed of living in New York. I wanted true love in my life. I wanted a beautiful daughter. All of my dreams have come a reality.

Here’s to focusing on the big picture. All the little annoying things will pass, and my life is truly totally amazing.

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My lovely friend Cat over at Letters to Georgia asked me to answer the following questions. I’m not a big tagger of other people to do the same, but I’m happy to play along.

1. What is your strongest belief – something you are so passionate about you can argue your point with anyone? 
Kindness to animals. I’m a vegetarian and have been an animal lover all my life. Nothing makes me more sad or angry than seeing cruelty to animals.

2. What qualities do you hold that makes you a good friend? 
Loyalty, generosity, kindness.

3. If you could live in a television show, which show & which character would you play?
Gossip Girl. I’d love to be Serena and have her wardrobe and amazing hair.

4. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I’d like to have more empathy towards people. While I am fiercely devoted to my friends, I’m not the most humanitarian person towards strangers.

5. What is your current personal life goal?
It’s cliched, but travel, experience and photograph the world with Alec and Eloise.

5. Where would you like to go on your next holiday?
The Caribbean. We’re going next winter, maybe Barbados or St Maartin’s.

6. The old faithful – dead or alive – four people that you will invite to your fantasy dinner party?
Joss Whedon, Jane Austin, Emily Blunt, Heath Ledger.

7. A song that always reminds you of something, and what or who and why? 
“Bubby”, Colbie Caillat. My cousin-in-law sang this song at our wedding and whenever I hear it it makes me cry and remember marrying my love.

8. Tell me your typical Sunday 
This has changed so much post-Eloise. After the baby wakes, I feed her, hand her over to Alec and get a few more hours sleep. We then head out to brunch in our neighbourhood in Brooklyn. If it’s nice weather we’ll take a walk down to the waterfront parks under Brooklyn Bridge or take the subway to Central Park. On the way home, we stop by my favourite bakery, One Girl Cookie for a whoopie pie for Alec, and a spiky cupcake for me. We then play at home with Eloise, put her to bed, I make dinner and Alec and I collapse in bed not long after. Babies are tiring!

9. What was the last movie you watched? 
I hardly ever get time to watch movies anymore. I watched Gosford Park on Netflix recently over a few nights while Alec was working late.

10. What is your idea of a dream date?
My standards have lowered somewhat now that Alec and I have virtually no time alone anymore. Just a few hours to ourselves to have a quiet dinner with good wine is perfect.

11. Post the 11th photo on your phone.

This is a pic from the hospital not long after Eloise was born. I look so exhausted – I’d just had a C-section after 24 hours of labour.