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The 30 steps it takes to get a preschooler to sleep

November 13, 2015 / Family, Kids / 22 Comments

When bedtime rolls around each night, my husband and I draw straws to see whose turn it is to battle our biggest war of the day – the epic fight to get our preschooler to sleep. The losing party quietly celebrates by cooking dinner in peace, while the winner uses all their patience to weather the next 30 steps without losing their mind.

Bath time! The only part of the night that doesn’t come with a battle. It is not, as described by many an article a “relaxing, winding down part of the evening” however, as it actually amps our child up even more. At least she plays happily with her toys in the bath, and washes without a fuss.
Dry down. The child gets that bit more hyper and runs around the house naked, begging not to have her hair combed.
Child is subdued/bribed and taken back to her room, dripping wet where she may or may not agree to her hair being brushed.
Last potty before bed. “I DON’T NEED TO GO POTTY!”
Pyjamas on.
Time for books. “It’s super late, please choose short books.”
“No, Hello Ruby is NOT a short book …”
The most peaceful part of the night commences. Book time is glorious.
Books away, chaos ensues. And by chaos, I mean trampolining off the bed and out the door.
Time for a last drink of milk and brushing of teeth. “I need to brush my teeth so germs don’t make them fall out.” There, she does listen!
We pretend it’s going to be easy for her to fall asleep. I tuck her in, kiss her cute cheeks and whisper “I love you!”. Perching on the bottom of the bed, this is the pivotal moment where most nights start to go downhill.
“Mama, I’m not tired. I want to play.” Yep, it’s going to be one of those nights.
The legs start vibrating under the doona and her eyes are wide open.
“More milk!”
“More COLD milk.” GEEEEEZ.
“Sing a song for me, Mama!” A hundred rounds of Goodnight, Sweetheart later and the only result is I’ve got a sore throat.
“I need to go potty!” What a surprise.
“More milk!”
“I need a Daddy hug!”
“I can’t find Dolly!”
“My tummy’s rumbly!” “Here, have a banana.”
“What are we doing tomorrow, Mommy?” “School!” “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“I’m cold, can you pull up my covers?”
“I’m HOT, so HOT!” Air conditioner, on.
“I don’t need Dolly.”
“I do need Dolly!”
“I want Daddy, not Mommy!” A well-known play, the last minute switch. The last line of defense.
Legs stop vibrating and kicking, and the head finally rests on the pillow. The battle is slowly coming to a close.
A little voice softly sings to herself. “Baby you’re a firework, come on show them what you’re worth!”
The tiny voice gets quieter and the words become mumbled. The eyes slowly droop and her breathing gets heavy. Breathe a sigh of relief, the bedtime battle is over for another night.

This article first appeared on MommyNearest.

30 Ways To Show Your Child You Love Them

April 1, 2015 / Family, Kids / 22 Comments

Some days it seems like you’re just holding everything together. Rushing to get the kids to school on time, rushing to get to work. Rushing home and hurriedly cooking dinner, then rushing through the bath and bed routine. That’s just the way life goes sometimes. If you’re time poor like most of us are, and want to show your child how much you love them, here are 30 little ways that can be incorporated into your day with almost zero effort.

Give your child kisses when they wake up.
Read an extra book before bedtime.
If you get home at night too late for books, read a book at breakfast instead.
If your child can read, put a note in their lunch box, that says, “Have fun today! Love you!”
Give big hugs and kisses before you leave.
Ask what their favourite part of the day was.
Ask what the hardest part of the day was, too.
When your child is desperate for your attention, drop what you’re doing and give it to them.
Look them in the eyes.
Stay in their room just a few minutes longer than usual at bedtime.
Notice something they’ve done right: “Thank you for putting your toys away, I really appreciate it.”
Cook together – let your child help you make dinner if you’re not the baking kind.
No matter how bad your day was, or how annoyed you are at your child, never go to bed angry, or let your child go to bed feeling that you’re angry with them.
Compliment your child on something they do: “I really love listening to you sing. You sing so beautifully”.
Try to get ready ahead of your schedule so you can cut out the “hurry ups” and let the child take their own time walking down the street, getting in the car, picking a few flowers along the way.
Really listen to what your child is saying, without interrupting.
Make your child feel like their opinion matters by asking what they think.
Proudly display their artwork at home.
Don’t talk about them, especially their flaws, in front of them.
After you have an argument, give them a big hug and tell them it’s ok.
Follow through on any promises you make.
Play with your child, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Say “yes” instead of no.
Give your child your full attention when you’re together.
Think of a fun activity to do together on the weekend, even if it’s something as simple as going to a new playground together.
Smile at your child.
Be the last to let go of hugs.
Ask to hold their hand.
Try to see their point of view.
Tell them you love them. Every single day.

This article was first published on MommyNearest.

Image by Raquel Frechette.

Linking up with Grace.

SMILING IT FORWARD with TYLENOL®

November 22, 2013 / Kids / 0 comment

Full disclosure – I am NOT a particularly empathetic person. While I’m sure I have (hopefully) many other good qualities, empathy is just not one of them. There’s one perhaps unexpected exception to this character failing of mine: my child. When she came along, many things changed. Not just the obvious (sleep deprivation, lack of personal time and space, new wing-lady 24/7), but also the surprising. My little girl opened my heart up in way no one else had been able to before.

When she’s sick, I struggle through her every cough and whimper. Boo boos result in tears shed by both parties. I feel every pain she feels as if it were my own. This, I discovered, is what it really means to be a mother – to have your heart forever living outside your body.

And who knew little kids could get so sick, and so frequently? The first fever was the worst – frantically calling the pediatrician for advice, cooling her in a lukewarm bath, carefully measuring TYLENOL® to bring the fever down. The sinking sensation you feel as a mother when your child is sick has no match to any previous experience. A piece of you is sick – the best piece of you that you value the most, and you’d do anything to make it better.

The upside is when your child comes out the other side again, healthy and happy and slowly smiling again. That slow smile that lights up their eyes, and means they’re going to be ok, that you can relax for a few moments while everything is at ease again. It’s the feeling of peace, of relief, and joy that you and your little one have survived another challenge together. Motherhood: it sure ain’t for the feint of heart!

You can help spread those “feel better” smiles by sharing a photo that makes you smile at SmilingItForward.com. For every photo uploaded, TYLENOL® will make a $1 donation to Children’s Health Fund, up to $100,000, helping to ensure a doctor’s visit is always within reach for children in need.

I have received information and products from McNeil Consumer Healthcare Division of McNEIL-PPC, Inc., the makers of TYLENOL®. The opinions stated are my own. This is a sponsored post for SheSpeaks.

I’m Not The Fun Parent

October 24, 2013 / Cheese, Family, Kids / 4 Comments

I’m pretty fun, right? I mean, I like to have fun, and do fun things. And I’m funny! Well, in my own head, anyway.

Before having my toddler, I imagined how much FUN we would have together. I pictured it as a second childhood – playing with dolls, stickers, drawing, art projects, dance parties in the living room.

What’s become apparent of late is that I am not, in fact, a fun playmate for a toddler. I’m not silly, or goofy, and don’t think of playing monster games like mu husband does. My husband, it turns out, is the fun parent. He’s goofy and silly, he plays catch and chase, and roars like a bear, sending Cheese into fits of giggles. He is, in fact, not dissimilar to a toddler.

I’ve learned that I like to watch my child in play. I love seeing her eyes light up, her cheeky smile, her little head that is always a split second behind the rest of her body as she gallops along like a pony.

I enjoy watching her long eyelashes darken, her limbs lengthen, her hair grow into tight corkscrew curls.

I’m the parent who observes, documents, photographs. The one who makes sure she’s at school on time. That she has her hair tied out of her eyes, and is wearing weather-appropriate clothes. I’m the one who plans her meals, who gets her feet measured and takes her to the dentist. But I’m not the fun one.

I’m also the one who notices scrapes and bruises, who has Hello Kitty bandaids at the ready, who comforts and soothes and knows how to bring down a fever. I’m the one who finds new books that will teach about sharing and table manners, who finds puzzles at the right level to challenge her at each age, who can’t resist splurging on the cutest pair of tights for a hipster Brooklyn toddler. I’m the parent behind the scenes, but equal in the amount I love my child.

I cede any hopes of being “fun” to my husband for the time being. I hope that as she grows into a little girl with interests of her own that I can share in her world and enjoy the things she enjoys. I hope she’ll find me, if not “fun”, then loving, understanding and interesting. I hope I can teach her about the world, introduce her to new and amazing things, like how to take a great photograph, and help her navigate life as she grows and grows and grows.

Why we’re only having one kid

May 29, 2013 / Kids / 4 Comments

People ask me all the time when we’re planning on having a second child. When I answer that we’re not, I always get a barrel of questions. I feel like everyone’s choice to have any number of children, from zero to 10, is a very personal decision, yet people seem to feel free to ask about our (and everyone else’s, it seems!) child-choices, frequently in front of other people.

(Brief sidebar on asking people about when they’re planning to have children, be it their first or fourth. You never know someone’s personal situation. People who are childless might have been trying to get pregnant for years. Someone who has one child who has hit two, might be wanting a second child, but either can’t conceive or may have had a miscarriage. From someone who found it difficult to get pregnant, and who struggled to cheerfully answer people’s questions on when we were having a baby, please, please, please don’t EVER ask someone when they’re going to have a kid. Sidebar over.)

For the record, Alec and I are pretty sure we only want one child. Maybe in a few years we’ll change our minds, but I think it’s unlikely. Here are the reasons that we’re pretty sure Eloise is going to be an only child.

1. I had a horrible childbirth experience.
2. The first six months of Eloise’s life were miserable for all of us. A sad reflux baby and no sleep for anyone. We’re still traumatised by it.
3. I didn’t get a full night’s sleep for the first 10 months of Eloise’s life. She’s still a bad sleeper, and wakes up a few nights a week on average. I am so. tired.
4. Alec and I feel like we are just holding everything together, with having one child. We have no idea how people manage lives with multiple children. Our respect to all parents with lots of kids! We know that we just couldn’t handle it.
5. We want to spend a lot of our lives travelling, and want to take Eloise with us. The more kids you add to that, not only the more expensive it gets, but the more years you spend not being able to travel.
6. We want to give all of our attention and resources to Eloise to help her achieve her dreams. We don’t feel that with multiple kids we’d be as able to do this.
7. For a very selfish, personal reason, I feel ready to get my life back on track, after spending two years pregnant and taking care of infant Eloise. I’m finding it really hard to get back into the work force after this gap and trying to take care of Eloise, so I can’t even begin to imagine how much even harder it would be if I had a second kid – both because of time out from the work force, but also trying to take care of two kids and balancing work. I can’t even begin to imagine how people do it. Again – my utmost respect to everyone who does! You’re all super human 🙂
8. We both love Eloise so much it’s just insane. We feel so complete as a family of three that we just have no desire to add anyone else to it. I probably should have put this as number one, as it’s the absolute main reason. The other points are factors that reassure me that this is the right choice for us, but, at the end of the day, it just keeps coming back to our family feeling complete. Me, Alec and Eloise.

I constantly think about how this choice of ours will effect Eloise. I don’t worry about her being bored or lonely – especially since we are living in Brooklyn, where she has friends all within walking distance. I expect it will be hardest on her being an only child when she is an adult. A lot of my friends get a great deal of support from their siblings who live nearby, helping with their kids. A lot also don’t get any help from siblings living nearby, so just having a sibling doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have more help with your family later on.

The other thing is ageing parents. My number one biggest concern about having only one child is that Eloise will have to deal with Alec and I ageing and dying on her own, with no siblings to share this huge burden with. Life is so uncertain though, and you never know how things will go. While I’m a massive planner of everything possible, I don’t feel like this worry of mine is worth having another child, just for this specific concern. I hope with all my heart that Eloise will find an amazing partner like I did, who will happily share her life – and all the baggage it brings – with the grace and unselfishness that Alec has brought to my life.